no sleep till Brooklyn

With finals week wrapping up, I find myself awake during the day.. and during the night. I worry about the following....

- If I will have to go home in less than 2 weeks. If so how can I say good bye to a man who just told me he loves me....
- If everyone got home ok.... Unlike last year I refused to be apart of the goodbye bridage. It just hurts away to much. If you dont say good bye.. then its not really real. I keep thinking I will see Tara flying down the hill from school, head phones on, lost in thought. or I will run into Marielle/James/Zak walking back from where ever. I keep thinking Ainnan is going to come wake me up in the middle of the day and we will sit and dip Kit Kats in peanut butter again. I thought I would be able to handle it this time.. but coupled with the fact that I may not be going here next semester... has me feeling a void.

- Where my life will go from here... I am getting to where I cant afford my tution anymore, so I may not be able to finish out my degree for awhile. If not college.. then what? Every semester I go though the same emotional roller coaster of worrying about not being able to go. It just takes a lot out of me .

In other news I am reading the autobiography of the Dali Lama, which is helping me cope with the worries. Basicaly the book talks about your enemy being a better teacher than a friend. According to this philosophy I could get a degree in something at least!
Those of you who are reading this, please do not think I am overly sad. It is hard to express oneself though a blog. I am still laughing, still smiling. Still doing stupid things like getting distacted and only blowdrying half my hair... :D