conversations

I didnt mean for it to be a turning-point-in-my-life conversation,, hell I was just bored and it was 6pm on a weekday. I was complaining to a friend about life in general, when in a flounce of wisdom he nailed it..

"your problem is that you are always wanting for something to happen to make your decision for you... the thing is.. that outward circumstances will always be present, and they will cause you to make decision, its your choice if you want that for the rest of your life"

After smarting a bit,, I think he is right. I say that I take a proactive stance in my life, but I normally let things get to a point, an emotional breaking point, then make the decision

This is because I am terrified of making the wrong decision. But what is the wrong decision anyway? I am so afraid of screwing up, that I screw up. I have been reevaluating my life at BSU and noticed that I haven't fully committed myself to it. I keep waiting for something to change, to get me out, to save me. I decided to go back to school full time, and work a job around my schedule not vice versa, and I do homework and study, and all that jazz, so what is keeping me from achieving my full potential Still fear of doing the wrong thing, of fully committing to something that will go down in flames. Its odd that I don't even trust a university, or how much do I trust myself?
Im not going to make any statements about getting over the fear, or any self help regurgitation I havent gotten over it yet, I am working on it.